These four little words have been muttered since what feels like the beginning of time. It’s been used as the excuse when boys misbehave and cause a ruckus.

It was 1963 the president, John F. Kennedy, hasn’t been assassinated. Spring has come to this normally cold Canadian town, it’s 7 am on a Wednesday “ Larry your going to miss the bus, hurry up !” Yells his mother. Larry come running down the stairs jumping every second step from his second floor bedroom , grabs the banister and swings around, almost to gain momentum and sling shots in the kitchen. He’s done this everyday, multiple times a day, today is the day the newel post breaks. The top ball cracks and splits off, Larry now airborne 2 feet off the ground smashes into the wall and cracks the plaster. Mother comes running “what the hell Larry” she hollers “ wait till you’re father sees this, you’ll be grounded !” He runs to the fridge, grabs his lunch and runs out the front door “sorry ma, it’s not my fault , love you “ as the screen door slams behind him.

It’s Larry’s last year of primary school, next year he’s in Junior High. Pa said he can come to work with him in the summer up north, driving graders for new road construction. Lar, as the guys called him, has been driving graders since he was a wee lad. He can run circles around any man.

Larry grabs the paper bag lunch and briefcase, hustles off the bus to meet his friend Johnny. Larry and Johnny had a little business selling things at the swing sets. “I’ve got a new Playboy from my dads stash, it’s an old one he won’t know” says Johnny. “Cool, Marilyn Monroe” Larry gasps . Both boys frantically looking through the magazine, eagerly flipping each page, one after another.

Dave comes over and says “ Hey Lar, you got any smokes today?!” He sets down his brief case, pops the locks “ ya what u need ? 6 for a quarter?” He’s making good money off the smokes, it’s his top seller, as he buys em from a machine for $.28 cents a pack. No one needs to know that fact. In his little tattered black brief case stash he has, chocolate, liquor from home, dirty mags, chewing tobacco, cans of coca-cola among many others thing. “ Yeah, gimmie 6 “ Dave says . They do the exchange and both boys go on there way

Mathew come over “Anygood reading today Larry ?” Which meant , what dirty magazines do you have “Yes, yes we do, you wanna keep it or just look at it ?“ Larry and Jonhhy sold the books or rented them “ Just look, here’s 5 cents” Mathew stammers. All three boys open the book and start flipping . Johnny opens to the center of his dads Playboy, turns his hands and says “Look at this gentleman!” Showing Matt and Lar the Centerfold with Marilyn nude . “ Holy cow balls” Matt shouts. “Holy cow ball indeed “ says principle Mackenzie

“Mr Mackenzie!!!” All three boys shout as they throw Marilyn in the air”

“ To the office, Come with me all three of you And bring your briefcase” says Principle Mackenzie

All the boys in school would call Mr. Mackenzie, Big Mac. Years later a little company named McDonald’s would introduce a double burger called the BigMac . The boys would later chuckle about it while driving to high school. They all go down to the office . Sitting outside the room, while each of them had to call home and say what they did. Matt come out sobbing and goes to class. “Johnny get in here boy, your turn” Mrs Champion says, the office secretary. Johnny goes in and all that could be heard sitting in the front office was “but Dad , dad, I didn’t b.. b... but dad “ a silent pause occurs then Johnny continues “no no daddy it was by the slide “ he spits out of his lips. A few minutes later Mr. Mackenzie opens his office door, Johnny comes out. Walking slow toward Larry not sobbing, or crying but, tears are welling up behind his lashes you can see any second he will break down and cry. Johnny as he walks past Larry raises his hand and chants “High five” Both boys smack palms together and smile as Johnny goes to class.

“BOYS!” Larry! “ Big Mac Yells

Larry gets up and goes into the office, closes the door and sits down. The principal while looking at the briefcase, engraved with RJL on a brass plate asks “who’s stuff is this Larry?” He answers quitly “We found it, sir” conveniently the same answer his friends all gave. Larry calls his dad, on the phone for a minute, nodding as his dad spoke, gave a few yes sirs. He passes the phone to the Principal “yes it does, ok “ principle MacKenzie says and hangs up the phone. “ Back to class, your dad will pick you up after school” he says. Larry goes to class, it’s now after lunch and he’s hungry but, he missed lunch while sitting in the office. He’s scared all afternoon to see his dad, his father can be very strict. The school bell rings, Larry goes out front looking for his dads 2 year old Blue Chev and sees it parked across the road .

Larry waits at the cross walk, glancing at the truck to see if father is watching him, He can feel his dad’s icy stare looking right through him. Larry walks over to the truck, grabs the shiny chrome handle and opens the door and says “hi dad!” His father doesn’t say a word, Larry gets in and sits down, buckled up . They begin to drive, still his father still hasn’t said a word. Then his dad, Ronald, after what seemed like an hour says “Larry, have you seen my brief case?” Not sure what to say says “no dad” His father mumbles something that was inaudible, “ok” Ronald says. At this point Larry is trying to think of what household item his dad is going to break over his ass. Turning the final corner home, Larry really getting nervous now . His dad says “ what happened to the banister, Larry? “ Larry frozen, unsure of what his next last words should be. He thought to him self, does he get a last meal before he dies of an ass whoopin? Larry’s dad reaches over, Larry tenses up , pats him on the back and says “it’s ok son, Boys will be boys”

Larry never got an ass whooping that day, Ronald James Lunch decided that is was all boys just being boys and no beatings needed

These are stories, just stories based loosely on some experiences my father in law has had. He is an interesting man with a heart of gold 💛

There will be more Tales of Larry

Thanks for reading, until the next one❤️

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