Dead beat Dad (8 min read)

The dictionary and I seem to have a little disagreement on what is a dead beat dad. The dictionary talks about financial obligations, not paying child support. Well in my eyes a dead beat dad or mom goes far beyond just the financial responsibility. So just cause you pay child support, your not a horrible parent ?? Nope, sorry, money solves lots of things but it doesn’t solve this, you can’t just give money and think all is ok.

What is it with some dads? Why don’t they want to see there kids after a divorce or break up? Is it too hard? lack of love? maybe just how their dad treated them? I do not know. You don’t see moms stop seeing there children, it’s not to say it doesn’t happen but, it’s just a lot more rare. But why does it happen more? Mothers have maternal instincts because they carried the baby for 9 months?

“Whatever the reason, there is NO excuse!”

YEP that’s right, No Excuses, sure it might be hard. you know what else is hard, growing up with out a dad. Maybe your children hate you because the marriage just ended, or you cheated? Let them be mad at you, hate you, despise you. They are your flesh and blood and will forgive you or come around one day. Never stop trying to see them, birthdays, Christmas, weekends, ect ...

I have a couple experiences to share, my own with my dad. When I was young he was a pretty good dad. Took me to my hockey games and practices even the ones at 5 am on a Tuesday, he would take me no questions asked. We did dinners with my parents as young adults. Seen hIm and my mom both 3-4 times a week . He was around for both my sister kids younger years, now mostly I think because my mom pushed him. When I was in my early 20’s my parents split up, because he was sleeping with his secretary. She had 3 kids from 3 dads, a real gem here. One of the kids we think is a half brother but no evidence, let me tell you when you put there pictures side by side, they are spitting images of one another. Well as soon as my parents got divorced, she forbid him to see my sister and I. We would try to see him when we could, very early on he would say “what do you want me to do. She’s crazy, kill her if you want” kind of joking but maybe not. He was stuck with her, didn’t want to give up more money and be left with a ¼ of his money after thinking with the wrong head. In 25 years since that day he left I seen him maybe 20 times, if that, that’s a very generous guess. She absolutely for bid it, and hated me and my sister. As much as yes, she’s a big bitch, ultimately he should have still seen his kids. He passed away 2 years ago this August from pancreatic cancer. My life has not change one bit, I never seen him before so it hasn’t really affect me. I’ve mourned my dad for decades so his death was just almost easier, in my head at least he had a reason now as to why he didn’t see us anymore.

Icing on the cake, a month before he passed she had his will changed and took me and my sister out of it. Originally it was a 3 way split between my sister, myself and the bitch. Even better 1 week before land titles filing shows that his house that he solely owned was transferred into just her name. He was higher than high when doing this, in those times we would come to the hospital and sometimes he would know who we were. If you are a women that forbids your boyfriend or husband to see his kids from past relationship, well all I can say is shame on you. Be supportive, be a step mother not a bitch.

Now my own kids, I am there dad. I’m not the sperm donar dad . So this is how I differentiate between the two of us when speaking in this blog. Sperm donor dad lives 20 mins away and hasn’t called, texted, dropped a birthday card off, Christmas card. Not a damn thing in a decade .... yep what a piece of shit. I will say he has paid child support, no braces or any extras that he’s legally entitled to pay. My wife and I both feel it’s not worth the hastle to challenge him on this. Of course, Yes sperm donor dad has a new wife and she had kids from a previous marriage. So me as there dad had to pick up the pieces from being abandoned by SDD-Sperm Donar Dad .... They both say they don’t even remember him at all, forget what his face even looks like. Well his loss, my gain, I have the most amazing wife and 2 fantastic kids. I am the lucky one... I feel bad for my kids, because I too know what the rejection feels like when your dad has a new family.. and I was 24 years old ..... not age 6 & 2 ... I will always be there for Jake and Griff I love them both more than I could ever write, say or express.

Thank you for reading❤️ Until the next one

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