How long do we have? How long do I have ?? Would you want to know? If you could, would you want to know how long you have to live? To find out your expiration date so to speak. Speaking entirely for myself, I would love to know. I would want to know the exact second that it happens, not to cheat my way out of it but to embrace it. Live my life to the fullest untill that very second. I’ve had people say to me:

Why would you want to know ?

DEATH

It teaches us many things about loss. About losing loved ones and friends. Sometimes I wonder if that’s why animals don’t live long. We learn to deal with multiple losses from the passing of our beloved family pets. Not that it’s the same kind of loss but gives the heart the same pain reception.

So why would I want to know ? Well let me tell you, I don’t want the suddenness of death. By that I mean, leave the house on a regular Tuesday, go through Tim Hortons for coffee and hot chocolate. Drop the kids off at school and go to work. But on this day maybe I’m in a bad crash, have a heart attack or deadly stroke. I don’t get the chance to tell Lee and the boys that they have changed my life and our little family means the world to me. I won’t get to talk to my sister or my nephews and tell them I’m so proud of everything they have accomplished and it’s just the beginning for them. I won’t get to tell people good bye, or what they mean to me good or bad, there are a few people I’d love to say “I’m dying tomorrow and just so you know, I never liked you.” I wouldn’t get to sit down with my closest friends and have drinks at our bar while I shoot the shit one last time and relive the stories of our youth.

My mom passed away from cancer almost a decade ago on Oct 27 2011. God needed her back home, her work here was done. I’ve never thought much about death until my mom passed. I lost the only grandpa (bumpy as we called him) that I’ve ever known when I was 5 and my grandma when I was 9, other than that I’ve had no loss until my mom. She was a mom, a grandma, a daughter and a sister, the strongest women I have known, She accepted what was to come, there was no escaping it. No running from it or eluding the inevitable. But she did tell me she would do all the pain and suffering again just to be able to see all the people in her life and tell them what she wanted to say. That got me thinking. I would much rather know that in 2 years I’m going to die, then to not know and die in 2 years.

By knowing when I would expire, when the last breath would leave my lungs. By knowing this, I would have the power and the control. Now yes I know live each day to the fullest. Tell the people you know how you feel. Well maybe not Frank in accounting that he’s a dick. But other than that tell the people In your life what they mean to you.

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