THE MAN CALLED PIPES ( 8 min read)
The Diesel engine roared, the smell of diesel fuel mixed with hydraulic fluid filled my nose in a way burnt toast does in the morning, not that pleasant of a smell. His name was Pipes, it even said it on his uniform. I was a punk kid doing garbage removal with a company called Laidlaw at the time. Laidlaw did garbage removal for the company my dad worked for and I was able to get a job pretty easy. I had no clue why they called this man pipes??? Pipes looked spitting image face wise to a guy named DJ Qualls crossed with Popeye . DJ is a actor that’s been in lots of movies , road trip is one of my favourites.
I soon realized he wasn’t pipes, more of a pipe. No not that kind, not the laying pipe kind. Minds are always in the gutter aren’t they? Well more like mine is.
I’m not even joking or exaggerating he had one arm that rivaled Arnold, it was massive. Veins shooting everywhere, his bicep budged like a swollen basketball. Pipes was a garbage man, a residential garbage man. For some strange reason he would only lift the garbage cans with one arm? Unless there was two cans to empty, them he used two arms. But 90% of the time he would pick it up, empty it in the hopper and slam it back down one handed. It was a sight to see. But why not change hands, get ripped on both sides of your body instead of just one. I’m not sure why he only used one arm? It was his right arm so maybe just right handed ? Pipes eventually left Laidlaw, Over the years I’ve always wondered what happened to him
This brings me to a story from my Laidlaw days, I could tell a story with out including the strange man pipes. Chris the portable toilet guy was on holidays so I got to do his job for a week. Great, sucking shit out of a plastic toilet, awesome I’m looking forward to it... NOT, before he left he said “don’t work to hard and make me look bad, I’ve spent years making the bosses think this is a hard job.” “Ok I won’t” I said. He continued to say “I mean it ! Work for about 5 hrs and then fuck the dog the rest, and if people offer to pay you cash to do a job, YOU DO IT !” Shocking as his request was, I said “no problem at all I can do that”
Yes your right ! This job was disgusting , here I was complaining about diesel fuel and hydraulic fluid .... give me that any day compared to a gross toilet that construction workers have been using for weeks, top that off It was in August, the hottest month of the year. The smell I can not describe. Imagine the worst thing you have had the pleasure to smell, add in your grossest public bathroom, maybe a stinky dog fart or two. That should get you close to the smell....
I was doing the toilet run for the day and a man came up to me and said “I have a outside toilet on my property, could you empty it and I’ll pay you $50 cash” well I didn’t have to think very hard on this one I said happily “sure I’ll follow you” so he jumped in his car and I drove my poop sucker down the road to his farm about 10 min away.
I get out and so does he, he walks over and try’s to stab me with some throwing star kind of thing?? Why I have no idea ? Did he want to steal my poop wagon ?? If he did, he could have it, I wouldn’t fight it 😂 . He caught me so off guard, I punched him and pushed him, ran to the truck, drove off in a cloud of dust and never looked back. I called into the office on my radio and they had me go to the RCMP to report it. They never found Stabby Mc Stabberson, or at least I don’t think so . Wtf did he want ? I will never know
Wow FIFTY BLOGS, I can’t believe it already, I want to say a big THANK YOU to everyone who followed my journey from the start and reads my blogs, likes my stuff and engages me on twitter. I love writing, I’m really enjoying it, meeting new friends having fun along the way !
Here’s to 50 more 🥂
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